Afrikaners : How to avoid genocide.

You often hear Afrikaans saying untrue stupid things. Things like “ A boer maak ‘n plan” (A boer makes a plan) for example. Judging by Afrikaners the only plan they make over and over is to sit around drinking brandy and being ignorant. Another such idiotic thing they often say is “We are victims of genocide” , to which I always say “Amazingly , not yet !”

So while it’s true that as of yet there has been no agenda to actively kill Afrikaans people, I certainly don’t feel we can hope to preserve the status quo much longer. This is because of four main reasons.

1)Sokkie dancing.

Sokkie dancing is one of those unique social past times which entertainment value would actually be greatly enhanced if everyone died violently. But let me tell you how I real feel about it. There has been something lacking from every sokkie dance I’ve been to, and that thing is an serial killer armed with a machete. Add this one simple aspect and a god awful sokkie dance suddenly has the potential to be awesome. Remove it however and what we’ve got in the worst aspects of drunken incest, fat people and dancing all rolled into one.. There should be a test administered to humanity to determine whether you are allowed to live or not, and the first thing is should ask about is sokkie dancing. So to me that presents an obvious choice. Either stubbornly carry on sokkie dancing, but accept that it will involve a machete. Or stop. You choose.

2)Mag wheels and loud sound systems.

I don’t even know what a mag wheel is. That’s how awesome I am. But I hear Afrikaners talking about them all the time. I think it’s those things they put in the wheels of their Nissan and mazda 1400 bakkies that actually cost more than the whole bakkie. All I know is I’d rather be necklaced by my own tires than have mag wheels. Worse than this they have a tendency to deck their little dutchmobiles out with the loudest crappies speakers imaginable and drive around playing the crappiest, dumbest music available. When I see this happened I can’t believe they do it on purpose and try and credit them with some humanity. I make myself think what happened is they mistake the volume button for the tuner. They aren’t trying to play that idiotic kurt Darren sh!t louder , they’re trying to tune to another station. I need to believe this to help myself sleep at night.

3)The blue bulls.
Don’t get me wrong , I like rugby and I’m not talking about the side. I’m talking about the fans. If we could think of the world of rugby as a rock concert , the blue bulls fans would be the portable toilet. Now it’s a chicken and the egg thing for me. What came first ? Are Afrikaners ignorant and stupid fat pricks because they are blue bulls fans ? Or perhaps blue bulls fans ignorant and stupid fat pricks because they are Afrikaners ? It doesn’t matter anyway. All I know is that you can be sure that sometimes during your weekend your day and general sense of optimism for humanity with be thwarted by some loud drunk asshole in a blue bulls jersey.

4) Afrikaners calling other people stupid.

Is it just me or does anyone else get the general feeling that a group of people whose greatest ever achievement was taking a walk, whose lyrics to a number 1 hit was "boeremeisies rule", who historically pride themselves on being utterly ignorant and solving problems with their fists rather than brains, should not have a lot to say about the intellect of others ? Whenever I hear an Afrikaans person calling someone else's ethnic group stupid I cover my eyes with my hands in case I'm in a glass house. The only thing more ironic that this is an Afrikaans person making fun of a black south African accent. Do I really need to point out the irony here ?

Now if these things could be eradicated I suggest the safety of the Afrikaans people would be greatly enhanced. It’s advice and it’s free. Use it or don’t use it.